Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
