So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
