Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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