I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
