the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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