walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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