I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
