just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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