and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
When are your genitals available?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
