OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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