Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
