You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
