saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
