Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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