If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You can't just leave with hair like that
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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