when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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