ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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