Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
