Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize