how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
i need some magic done to my vagina
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
