I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
