I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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