Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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