U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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