i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
