oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
