so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
