So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
