I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize