It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
