She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
