I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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