I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Randomize
