At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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