but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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