I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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