Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
