So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
