im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
