i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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