Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
