Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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