tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
