They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize