You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
