Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
