I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You pole danced in your parka.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
