If i come over, it means nothing
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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