dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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