Say something about gay babies.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
