Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
