I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
