DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
