so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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