if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Randomize
