my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize