Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
