I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
