He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
