The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
