I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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