she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
