Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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