Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
