i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
