I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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