The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
