bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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