He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize