wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
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