just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
