Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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