He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize