I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
