he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
It's shark week go big or go home
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
