You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize