i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
