TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
